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Health & Fitness

Be Your Own Life Coach Series; the Right Ingredients

Good cooks know that the secret to preparing delicious dishes is by having and using the right ingredients. An unskilled person in the kitchen may not understand this basic concept of the culinary world. Instead of putting flour in the gravy, he or she may believe that the broth will thicken on its own. A beginner may also not recognize the importance of using the freshest ingredients by choosing to make salsa with unripe tomatoes. As you can clearly see from these cooking nightmares, the outcome would have been radically different if the novice chefs would have made different choices.  

Similarly, as in the cooking example, dating or marital couples also need to learn about, and then apply certain key principles to be successful in their relationships. The knowing part begins with study or research. Men and women are different despite popular opinion. (In a best seller, the author even describes them coming from different planets). It would make sense then that dating/marital partners would become acquainted with these differences. However, there is a common misconception that ‘true’ love is intuitive; that your soul mate would know automatically how to take care of you. Please don’t be fooled by this get quick love rhetoric because it is simply not true. The same commitment required to learn anything is required in understanding the dynamics of the opposite sex. Consequently, you need the most effective ingredients offered in Relationship 101 to make your love life successful: reading dating/marital success books, attending the latest research-based seminar (aka the annual NARME conference), and discussing with your partner what you have learned. After you acquire the necessary knowledge, theory and application should be combined. Needs self-expression in males and females is radically different. Simply understanding this, that a man’s processing is quite different than a women’s, would eliminate a host of problems. When a male becomes overwhelmed, he often resorts to anger or withdrawal; whereas, a woman may express her fear by wanting to talk excessively or by openly/secretly crying. To prevent these typical predictors of relationship demise in times of crisis, practice understanding your partner’s needs in times of peace. That way, if you begin before there is a problem, you are much more prepared to fight or disagree fairly. When you see your partner getting upset, a great question is to ask them, “What do you need right now?” Allow them to answer, and be intentional about making it a safe place for their response. Practicing these types of scenarios will begin both of you moving in the right direction. If you just begin today by learning the best relational practices, knowing the general differences between men and women, along with the specific needs of your partner in times of crisis and peace, you are better equipped to experience relationship success.   

Like having and using the right ingredients in the kitchen, being able to be in successful with your partner requires the same diligence, study, and patience. It may not be easy, but if you make up your mind to develop these relationship skills, you may end up making a much more beautiful life together, than you could ever have being alone.

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