Be Your Own Life Coach Series: Freedom isn’t free

Many Americans just celebrated the 4th of July. Grand fireworks displays, tasty cookouts, and parades are the norm for this happy occasion. Independence Day is a time for most of us to relax and to enjoy the sights and sounds. This care free feeling is all well and good, but have you ever considered that there is often an unforgotten story that accompanies our freedom? Have you ever thought about the courageous men and women that sacrificed their lives to make this a free nation? From this vantage point, freedom is not free; that the standard of living we enjoy on a daily basis and often take for granted did not come without a cost. This perspective of this momentous celebration is quite sobering, isn’t it?

In today’s crazy world, parenting often requires the same sacrifice and vigilance as our early predecessors to maintain a home life where all are respected. However, many moms and dads have been severely handicapped in their parenting arsenal because they never learned about healthy relationships in their families of origin. Respectful communication was simply not modeled, so knowing how to have a peaceful home eludes them. Inevitably, their houses over time turn into war zones, with their child/children being their biggest enemy. If this is you, realize that you are not alone. Many parents have experienced these types of difficulties in raising children and have persevered through the difficult times by acquiring the needed skills, strategies, and support for a more harmonious home environment.  

If you are thinking that you too would like to have healthier relationships with your child but don’t know how, be encouraged. The same way you learned unhealthy communication, you can also learn positive modes of conversation. Decide today that your home will be a nourishing place, where everyone’s role is respected and understood. Engage your husband/wife or the other members in your family also. Commit to making it happen, regardless of how it has always been. Realize that as the parent, you are the adult. (Children’s brains are not formed until the middle 20’s). Recognize that you are the mature person in the relationship. This means that your teenager or young adult child will model your good or bad behavior. Be assured that if you cannot control your emotions, (there is that war thing again) they will not be able to either. Start your new relationship off right by demonstrating better self-control in potentially explosive situations. When a negative event occurs, don’t react prematurely. Follow the 10-second rule. Before responding, count to ten while breathing slowly. Once you are calm, ask yourself if what you are going to say is going to hurt or help the situation. Thinking of your relationship in the framework of it being we instead of I, should keep you focused. As trust is being built, engage in meaningful conversation with your teen. Make time to find out about their day. Having dinner is a great way to be together as a family. If you have more than one child, make sure to also spend quality time with them individually, letting them know that you value them as unique people. Learning these new ways of communication and relating to one another should inspire you to be more confident in your parenting skills. 

Freedom isn’t free in the liberation of the colonies from England or in the hard work required in building healthy families, but the effort that was/is required to do both is well worth the sacrifice. In a few thousand years, who knows, people may be writing about your family’s history.