Be Your Own Life Coach Series: Life Happens

Life happens. This may seem like common sense, but have you ever contemplated that there is only one constant in life, and that is change? As adults, even though we understand logically that this is true, most of us if we are honest, strongly dislike and fear any disruption in our day to day lives, whether it be in our jobs, relationships, or in our home life. However, regardless of what you or I feel or how much we dislike the inevitable, life with all of its ups and downs, is subject to change. In fact, if you think about it, nothing stays the same. Living requires change.

When it comes to the realm of dating, young people are especially vulnerable to being hurt by changes in their romantic relationships. For many late teens and early adults, raging hormones, immaturity, and a culture set to immediacy, predisposes them to making decisions in dating that invariably leads to emotional roller coasters, fighting, and painful breakups. If you are a young person experiencing this type of difficulty in your love life, what can you do?  As soon as possible, tell a parent or an entrusted adult about the situation. Recognize that they often have experience that you or your peers do not have. Explain to them if you can put your feelings into words that you need to know that you can safely share your heart without being judged. Parents, once your child has opened up to you, ask them what they need in the situation. If silence is their request, resist giving your advice or preaching in this moment, which may lead them to shut down. Letting your child know that you too have experienced similar things in your own life often provides comfort and support. When your teenager or young adult is more emotionally stable and is open to guidance from you, ask questions, and then listen for cues on how to proceed. Explain that this breakup or ending of this particular relationship does not indicate that your teen is bad, ugly, or undesirable; that this is indeed a temporary situation and not an explanation of who they are as people. If the situation warrants, it also may be appropriate to tell them about how you navigated your way through your own painful breakup, which may support the conversation. Offer the wisdom that life doesn’t stay the same, despite our resistance to change. That sadly, even the most committed couples choose to stop loving each other. Explain that life happens to us all. Understanding the dynamics of young dating relationships and having a loving adult be supportive through the inevitable relational struggles of youth, helps the young adult get through the experience.   

  Life happens to all of us and nothing is guaranteed to last, for adults or young people in any sphere, especially the relational one. However, if we understand this fact, we are better equipped to help ourselves and that special young person in our life.