Q: Our 14-year-old daughter wants to go out with a boy. She’s very sociable, makes good grades and runs with a good crowd. We consider her very trustworthy. However, we feel 14 is too soon to date boys. Should we encourage group “dating” at this point? When should one-on-one dating be allowed?
A: Girls this age are just beginning to understand the attraction to boys, but still lack the maturity to make wise decisions when it comes to intimacy. Therefore, it would be in her best interest to restrict alone time with boys. However, encourage her to see this young man in a group setting, one with lots of other boys and girls in public places. Ask her to invite him over to your home for dinner and have her cook the meal. Let them study together in the family room or kitchen, but not in her own room even with the door open. Also tell her that her interaction with her friends—both girls and boys—depends on her keeping up her grades and staying out of trouble.
Her father should start “dating” his daughter by taking her out on a regular basis for ice cream, breakfast or a walk in the park. This gives him time to show her how a boy should act on a date, opening doors for her, treating her with respect, etc. Their conversations should be light, such as discussing what she’s reading in school, or listening to on her iPod.
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As for what age is appropriate for one-on-one dating, that depends on her maturity and your comfort level. Let her group-date for a while and re-evaluate as she gets older. Keep in mind that by opening up your home to whoever she’s interested in at the moment is the best way to gauge her maturity level, since you’ll get to see how she interacts with boys.
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Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.sarahhamaker.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.
