Advanced Classes Sink Student

Q: Last year, our straight-A student enrolled in an advanced high school program. However, she has sunk instead of swimming—not giving it her all and her interim grades showed that. I talked with her teachers and discovered that she had lied to us about not having access to extra credit or study sessions. We signed her up for both and ended up being more involved than we wanted to be, checking up with teachers, etc.

This year, we’d rather not go that route again, but already, I can see her slipping in her classes. She’s capable of the work, but is choosing not to do it. I’m thinking of having a contract with her to spell out our expectations. Your thoughts?

A: “Ending the Homework Hassle” by John Rosemond address how to do this in much more detail than I can get into in a parenting column, but I will give a rough sketch of what you can do to step away from the problem and to encourage your daughter to step up and own it herself.

The solution: Institute a weekly report that the student must get signed—in ink—by all her teachers on Fridays. Needless to say, acquire a verifiable copy of her teachers’ signatures beforehand when you go to talk about the report (try to talk with all her teachers at the same time). The report basically asks the teachers to answer the following Statement of Achievement: “Up until this point in the current grading period, [daughter’s name] 1) is passing my class with a grade of “C” [start with this standard and work your way up] or better; and 2) she is not missing any assignments. Your daughter must receive a “yes” for both of those statements in order for it be considered a pass. She must have all her teachers rate her “Yes” each week.

The nitty-gritty: Your daughter—and only your daughter—is responsible to gather the correct signatures from each teacher and give you the report each Friday. Any missing signature—no matter the excuse—will be considered a “no” rating. If she has a substitute in any class, she must get a counselor, assistant principal or principal to state in writing that her regular teacher was absent on Friday.

Each week, she’s allowed one “no” rating. However, two “no” ratings in the same subject for two consecutive weeks triggers a full restriction until that “no” rating becomes a “yes.” Two “no” ratings in the same week brings on full restriction.

The consequences: Full restriction means no electronics (no cell phone, video games, movies, DVDs, TV, Internet, tablets, computers, iPods, etc.), no phone calls or texts, no visits with friends, no after school activities, no special events (including sporting events in which she is a team member) from that Friday until the next report comes home the following Friday. An entire week of restriction.

This might take a week or two of her moping around the house, but stick to your guns and she should buckle down and do the work she’s capable of doing—without your hovering, following up, checking in, and generally making both of your lives miserable.

Early in 2014, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth Peritti will speak on Parenting With Love & Leadership in a four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more information.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah with Parenting Question in the subject line. Sign up for Practical Parenting, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth’s a free, monthly e-newsletter with commonsense advice on child rearing, by visiting www.parentcoachnova.com and clicking on the newsletter tab.

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.parentcoachnova.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.